Jumbled Words, Jumbled Thoughts

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published October 4, 2008 at 06:41 4 Comments

I’m a whole mess of jumbled thoughts, and I can’t quite bring even one cohesive set of words together about any one topic.

I have a headache. I didn’t get enough sleep. My brother is having a baby (ok, his wife is, and so far I haven’t heard if Nugget has arrived or not)… my little brother. I feel old – My brother just turned 29 and my own son is eight years old (that makes me… 32.) I’m getting married (for the second time) in two months and two days. So much left to do with the planning and executing of everything. If Elaine were here… well, she was the party planner. Elaine’s birthday is Monday – she would’ve been 33. She was right there with me, with my family, through the last of my slow decline into kidney failure, for nearly four years of dialysis and then steadfast in the year following my transplant. What would I have done without her? I have the scars to prove my journey of kidney disease across my abdomen (the transplant) and running the length of my right arm (hemodialysis.) My right arm, neck, shoulder and back hurt – caused initially by years of hemodialysis, but continuously aggravated by the fact that I’m right-handed and I can’t exactly NOT use that side of my body (hello, to write? type? eat?) The constant pain is just… undeniable and no longer one of those things I can pretend not to notice. A lot of things are like that (I can’t pretend to not notice them anymore) – I have a functioning kidney, so I no longer have to prioritize staying alive (kidney failure) over arm pain. I also can’t seem to prioritize my emotional well-being over people who are hurting me. I’m defenseless to stop them and seemingly unable (or too stupid) to prevent myself from allowing them to hurt me. Although, I do admit to allowing the drama of it all to draw me in, when I should be laughing, instead. I don’t do well with unanswered questions, unspoken words and things left up in the air. Even apologizing doesn’t always work – Friendship is SO important to me, and I’m failing (and flailing). I’ve tried and failed more than once this year to open up, be myself, reach out – and I’m rejected. I’ve even managed to lose one of my best (furry) friends. Meanwhile, I go about rejecting myself by my recent employment (sorry, no link about that, I’m keeping mum) that is shameful to my professional profile. I’m ashamed of my job/status/position and what I’m doing. I hate lowering myself. I also hate nit-picky people who write about annoying things.

Babies adopted from China may need Kidney Testing

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published September 25, 2008 at 00:11 Comments Off

Not often do two major parts of my life (international adoption and kidney disease) cross paths, but this news article out of Canada speaks to my heart (and kidney) in more than one way.

I might just have a NoBloPoMo

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published June 11, 2008 at 03:46 4 Comments

Judy mentioned in one of her posts recently that it seems many bloggers are taking a break from writing – all for a variety of reasons. She suggested that maybe we all need a NoBloPoMo (a No Blog Posting Month)…

Anxious

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published May 15, 2008 at 14:29 1 Comment

I’m full of anxiety. When I woke this morning I had the tell-tale signs of panic – about what, I don’t know.

Maybe because I have a kidney doctor appointment this afternoon? That doesn’t really make sense, though… I had one last week and everything was awesome.

On Earth Day, Recycle your Life!

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published April 22, 2008 at 18:40 6 Comments

What? Celebrating Earth Day and National Donate Life Month, together? Am I out of my mind? How could one possibly draw a connection between the two? Here’s your answer…

Kidney Patient Bloggers Wanted

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published April 17, 2008 at 20:28 Comments Off

I’m expanding My Kidney Blog (mykidney.com) by adding forums and additional bloggers to the site.

I’m interested in bringing 1 – 4 bloggers on board who are in various stages of CKD, ESRD, pre/post transplant. Living organ donor bloggers would also be considered and ESRD bloggers who have chosen different dialysis modalities for renal replacement are needed.

My Kidney Failure Treatment Choice / What Everone Should Know

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published June 10, 2007 at 15:41 Comments Off

I have a lot of things to say, today – all relevant to tomorrow. I hope you’ll read this and really try to understand what it all means. I feel its important not only to my friends and family, but to others who might be facing the same decisions in the near future.
I’ve always said [...]

Terminology for the Beginner

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published January 3, 2004 at 15:37 Comments Off

Here’s a good Kidney Failure Glossary that I found today!

A Good Question from LJ/woobiewoobster

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published January 2, 2004 at 15:33 Comments Off

:Wow, that’s all I can say. When you say end stage renal does this mean you will need a transplant? Is this fatal? You don’t sound like you are worried about dying…? (I hope that doesn’t sound flip, it is not intended to be at all) I wish you all the best.

Kidney Weirdness

I'm a Blogger (1999 - 2008)Published November 11, 2003 at 10:36 8 Comments

… Ok, so the kidney weirdness continues.

My creatine went from 4.0 to 7.0 in just under 5 months. This put everyone into a panic/rush to get me ready for dialysis before the end of this year and before my creatine reached 8.0.