Why I Stopped Blogging

My departure from the blogosphere wasn’t explosive – it probably sounded no louder than a whimper as turned my back on blogging and slipped into more than of a year of near-silence. On December 31st, 2008 I wrote the last post of the 365 post challenge and then promptly (and deliberately) disappeared. After the longest, most difficult, and literally the worst year of my life, I no longer found solace in writing for the myself or the World Wide Web. I became disenchanted, discouraged, and incapable of blogging.

With thirty-two HUNDRED blog posts in ten years, I literally drove myself into a virtual writer’s blogger’s block, yet only 7 months before I quit blogging cold-turkey I wrote the post “Why I Blog“. In that post I shared with you the reasons why I felt so passionate about blogging.

Here’s why I stopped blogging…

1. I stopped blogging because I no longer wanted to frequently discuss my viewpoints about adoption and adoptive parenting. I was tired of ‘fighting the fight‘ and being pigeonholed by others a just a ‘mommy blogger’ and ‘adoptive parent’. Most importantly, I realized that I was intruding upon my son’s privacy and his right to tell his own story when and if he chooses to.
2. I stopped blogging because my personal (and ever-present) kidney journey became too overwhelming to continue sharing openly. I needed a break from being ‘kidney girl’ and or ‘a sick person’ – no matter how much I fought to make people understand that those labels don’t define who I am (they are only a few parts of who I am) others still viewed me that way.
3. I stopped blogging because I realized I didn’t need to be the LOUDEST VOICE in order to make a difference when advocating for the issues I feel the strongest about. I realized that making a difference to one person in a unique way is sometimes more important than making a difference to many people.
4. I stopped blogging because blogging in itself became too frustrating… because of nothing specifically, but because of everything specifically.
5. I stopped blogging to escape within myself and embrace my insecurities. Not blogging about everything that bothered or upset me helped me find different ways (some good, some not-so-much) to cope with what makes me uncomfortable about myself and my thoughts and feelings.
6. I stopped blogging because I no longer felt comfortable with anonymous people silently listening reading.
7. ….although, the few blog posts I’ve managed to share since the end of 2008 have helped me continue to communicate with the people I care about most.
8. I stopped blogging because the personal attacks on my character and certain insult-slinging, blog-wars inducing, mean-spirited individuals actually ‘got to me’ and hurt me on a deeply personal level. Blogging was no longer a sacred, safe place, but a place that was nearly a therapy-inducing mind-suck. Blogging didn’t make me feel better, it made me feel worse.
9. I stopped blogging because I felt much more inhibited in expressing myself through written words, especially about difficult to discuss topics. Instead, I began connecting on Seesmic and TokBox with people I’ve met online and in real life through video conversation, get-togethers, and conferences.
10. I stopped blogging because I didn’t want to limit myself to ‘blog buddies’ and ‘blog cliques‘ to fuel my self-esteem.
11. I stopped blogging because some of my controversial and non-conformist viewpoints changed and became more ‘main-stream’. It’s hard to be outspoken when what you want to speak about isn’t that controversial.
12. I stopped blogging because it didn’t make me happy – it was really that simple.

I realize (and take responsibility for) the fact that many of my own words (and actions) lead me to the dark place where I could no longer reach out to others through blogging, but I make no apologies: What I’ve done and said in my past has made me who I am today; for better or worse it’s been nothing short of life-shaping and I’m OK with who I am. I may write differently now or hold different opinions and viewpoints from those I once had, but life itself is about change…

…and this has changed me.

Tags: blogging, me, why, writing, wtfami