I’ve never been one to ever, ever say “why me,” but lately I wanted to hurl myself at the ground in a two-year-old-tantrum-style and kick and scream about things I can’t control – I want to throw fits and yell, “why do bad things happen to good people?” I’ve said 2008 was the worst year of my life, but 2011 is shaping up to be the most ‘not fair’ year, yet. While I have a hard time sitting around feeling sorry for myself (although I do have my moments, just like everyone) right now there are a whole lot of really unfair things happening to people I love. Damnit, life isn’t fair.
I can usually (in time) accept my own circumstances of challenge and move forward, but I struggle to work through accepting the fate of others, even when they themselves have already accepted it. I’m always trying to shoulder the burden or cover and protect the ones I love. When I can’t do this my brain goes into over-drive and I can’t stop trying to scheme
my their way out of it. Sometimes I push the limit of what’s emotionally manageable to the point of exhausting my ability to feel anything other than unfairness.. and using up the other person’s ability to handle the extra load of MY emotions.
It’s especially difficult for me when ‘society’ fucks up and gets things completely wrong… and not just in a ‘you-have-the-facts-wrong,’ way, but in the ‘this-is-going-to-completely-ruin-someone’s-life-and-no-one-gives-a-rat’s-ass,’ way. Yeah, not cool. How can so many people be so wrong when the truth is fairly plain and simple and right in front of them?
“Let’s make an example out of someone,” is what I’m currently struggling with. I hadn’t thought about it before, but the ‘someone‘ in that statement always happens to be a human being and when said “example” is made it feels as if all of that person’s humanity has been stripped away to mean nothing. At that point, nothing about that person is reserved as private or sacred (or humane?) for the sake of the ‘example’ being made. Basic human rights are removed, everyone forgets the rest of the facts, a label is created and branded into that person:
‘You’re our example of what is wrong, regardless of what you’ve done a thousand times more often that is right…‘
What. The. Fuck.
‘Judge not, lest ye not be judged,’ yet, we all judge, and oftentimes while ignoring the real, tangible and true facts. This is especially screwed up when the facts being disregarded occur in defense of someone caught in a real-life legal battle. There is a difference, boys and girls, between ‘legal’ and ‘just’ – and that’s the biggest NOT FAIR card I’m throwing on your table, today.
In an ideal world the things one has done ‘right’ would always be weighed against those things done ‘wrong’ and justice would account for the balance (imbalance?) and facts wouldn’t be brushed aside as if they were mere footnotes. In an ideal world nothing would be unfair because everything would be fairly weighed. In an ideal world I wouldn’t be writing this post…
I’ve almost reached my limit, you stupid, angering, year of two-thousand-and-eleven. I don’t have a selfish want for what’s fair, I want what’s fair to be because it’s RIGHT.
© 2011, Krissi Bates (iKrissi). All rights reserved.